Lately I feel like everything baby has been surrounding me. I see people in the park with their kids, notice every pregnant woman passing me in the store, and hear and see all of the beautiful baby updates from my friends. Most of the time it is wonderful and enjoyable and happy and energizing, but then the panic sets in. It is like a deep aching hole in my gut and then I begin to be surrounded by a swirl of heart renching questions.
What if I never have that?
How long will this take?
Will I ever be able to carry my own child to term?
Will I be able to become pregnant again?
I guess the panic has begun to attack me a little more lately because we are again trying to conceive and it doesn't seem to be working this time. The first two pregnancies happened right away, and now I feel like my life has been consumed with dates and scheduling, to try to figure out when I am able to conceive. It is exhausting, and not in the least bit romantic :) Some days are fine, but lately I have been consumed with this fear and panic, and I just can't seem to make it go away.
2 comments:
I love you...I don't know the right words, but I love you.
My heart is breaking with you guys and I have my fingers crossed, am saying prayers, rubbing a rabbits foot - all of it.
I think Robin pretty much summed up exactly what I'm thinking/feeling. Big hugs to you and Chris.
Post a Comment