...who stated that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and ove again and expecting different results. As I enter my 25th week of pregnancy I feel more insane than ever. This is my third pregnancy and with the first two, a pattern had been established. Get pregnent, hold me breath for twelve weeks, go in for my first ultrasound, and see a little baby with no heartbeat. The fact that that did not happen this time is obviuolsy a relief, but at the same time a little unsettling. I am embarking into uncharted territory, and since the previous pattern was set, every morning that I wake up and see my belly getting bigger I feel a little insane. I feel like Drew Barrymore from 50 first dates. I wake up discovering where I am at in my life everyday. I mean, I go to bed knowing I'm pregnant, but wake up amazed that life is as usual and everything is fine. When it goes wrong and then wrong, and then all of the sudden right, it feels like it is a dream that will end soon. I feel like at any moment the bottom could drop out and we could end up with the same result. I know that is terribly depressing, but I can not help it. I actually started writing this post 10 weeks ago, but somehow felt superstitious about the whole thing. Like if I admitted that I was waiting for something bad to happen, something bad actually would. I have to admit that that feeling has not gone away, but I have to stop aknowledging the insane part of my brain and just enjoy reality. Reality is that I have a husband that talks to my belly everyday, I feel little flutters all day, reminding me baby is alive and well, I have family and friends that are celebrating with me and offering support when I need it. THe reality is that this is a happy time and I am not insane :) Well, maybe a little.
