HOME

Chris and I have been in our new house for almost three months now, and it is finally begining to feel like a home. All of the little touches that make a house feel yours have fallen into place, and this is now a place where I feel safe and happy. I think that part of it has to do with the entertaining we have done lately. We had a housewarming party, and our family and friends came to celebrate the house with us. I also hosted Thanksgiving this year. My family and Chris's parents came over. Having everyone over was so comforting and fun! It added a warmth to the house. Also, our two puppies have definitely helped us to break in the place. Everyday we spend in this house I feel more and more lucky about the path that Chris and I have taken and what we have accomplished together. I find myself day dreaming about what is to come, and what we will fill these rooms with. It makes me so happy, and hopeful!

Some pics of the progress we have made:

How is it possible?

It has been a tough week so please bear with me. I feel like I have been really negative lately but I have to get this off of my chest. Yesterday was an overwhelming day for many reasons. Over the years I have developed strong relationships with students. There are usually a few every year that I become close with. I learn more about them then my other students, and for one reason or another they are comfortable with me and like to share their life with me. Last year a lunch crew started to form in my room and since then I have had many of these students come in everyday. I have one student who comes in before school to finish up homework, at lunch to hang out and talk, and after school to wait for his mom to pick him up. I have also had the pleasure of teaching him in his freshmen and now sophomore English class. And after learning so much about him, his family, his dreams, his academics, it is hard for me to deal with the news I received yesterday. His father died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 52. I try to process that news and my heart breaks. How does a 15 year old boy handle that. Every time I think of his amazing spirit and how crushed it must be right now, I fall apart. It is just not fair. How does he deal, how does he come back to school, sit in my class, and learn Subject/Verb agreement. I am so sad for him, and I don't know what I can do to help.
If that wasn't bad enough, one hour later I learned that another one of my students is being raped by her father. An incident that has already been reported and is being investigated, but she wanted me to know why she was missing class so much. I feel sick that she had to go through that, and as she revealed to me the details of the situation she came across as though she thought it was her fault. I took off my teacher hat and became the best counselor I knew how to be.

I think about what my students are dealing with and it hurts. They shouldn't have to worry about these things. They shouldn't have to be anything but a happy teenager. I also think about the enormity that is my job. How do I teach someone that has gone through more in there short life than I have? How do I teach someone who's mind is dealing with grief, and sadness, and confusion, and anger and...

I just don't know if it is possible sometimes.

WORK :(

As you may have noticed, it has been a while since I have been able to contribute to my blob, the main reason being work. I have been so busy lately that even the enjoyable things in my life have felt dampened because of the level of exhaustion I am at lately. I do like my work, and a lot of the times love it, but i wish that I was rewarded for doing a good job. Most of the time I am satisfied with knowing that I did well, but why is it so hard for someone to tell you, "job well done." In my profession (teaching) we work tirelessly, and do not get paid for the endless amounts of hours we spend outside of our classroom planning, grading, coaching, tutoring, mentoring, the list goes on. I helped to plan an event last Saturday, which was a huge success, but did not earn a dime for it, and then when credit was being given, I was completely looked over. I guess it doesn't help that I work with an insane blowhard that likes to make himself look wonderful! If he could some how figure out a way to take credit for the creation of the universe he would. The point is that I did a good job and sometimes you just need to feel like someone noticed.

Proposition

After yesterdays election, I have conflicting feelings. I am excited and upset, hopeful yet disheartened. My anger does not come from the Presidential election. America made history yesterday and I was part of it. Obamas victory is a victory for so many people who thought that this day would never come. I look at my students, students who were elated today, and I am happy that they have been given a new sense of hope and a new understanding of what is possible for them in the future. They know now that you can be white, black, asian, hispanic, a woman, and still have the opportunity, there is still a posibility for you to be something bigger than you ever thought possible. This is not where my frustration lies.

I am angered and hurt by my state. How is it possible that the state of California voted yes on Proposition 8. Proposition 8 eliminates the right for same-sex couples to marry in California. This proposition eliminates the right of a human being in our country. I just can not see any right in that. Many people that I have discussed this with tell me that same-sex couples can still have a civil union (a fact that I am not certain is true) and that they will still have some rights, just not marriage. My students and I are reading George Orwell's Animal farm and one of the comandments in the book states "All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others." Is this not what California is saying with the passing of prop. 8. "They can be together, but they just can't get married like everyone else." Ridiculous! We are all equal, but if you are a homosexual you are not as equal as everyone else. Separate but equal is not right and the days of Jim Crow are gone! If one human being loves another human being, they should be able to marry that person, and spend the rest of their life with that person. I will never see any wrong in that.

VOTE

I voted, and it felt good!