I like hats!

New life

I am pregnant. I don't think I have officially declared that anywhere yet, and it feels good to say. My beautiful son is going to have a playmate, a best friend, a brother whom he can torture, love, and bond with. Although it is so exciting and scary, it also leaves me a little puzzled and slightly sad. When we found out that we were pregnant it seemed that all at once we got news that four other very close friends were expecting as well. I could not contain the excitement that I had!!! And then all of the the sudden that extreme high took an enormous hit. Miscarriage. Something I know all too well, something that is actually common, but something that is so mindblowingly devastating it is hard to describe. Two of those very special people to me are no longer expecting a child, and my imense capacity for empathy leaves me in a horrible depressing state. Maybe because memories of surgery and pain and loss flood back to me. I know how it feels and it is not a feeling that I wish anyone else to experience. At the same time, I hope that I can be a source of knowledge and support, and most of all, a source of hope. When I first went through my difficulties in keeping a baby, I was really blown away. I did not know women went through this. I did not know that it could eventually work out. I did not know if I would ever have a baby. Now that we are expecting our second wonderful boy, I hope that I can help to reassure my friends that even though this is happening now, there are wonderful things to come. I can't wait to eventually help them welcome their little ones to this world.