Update

I went back to the doctor yesterday for my check up after the miscarriage and expressed to him that I would like some tests done. He was very understanding but told me that test are usually not done until after the third or fourth miscarriage. Third or fourth! I don't want to wait that long! If I can find out something now, why would I wait to go through this a couple more times. So we are going to start with a basic panel of blood tests to rule out some things and then go from there. In the mean time, I am giving my body a break to focus on some other things. We are going to vegas in a couple of weeks, sailing on a cruise with the family in May, and giving the house some much needed attention. And of course, I need to step up at work and give a little more effort this semester. After that, we will see where we stand.

Things I've never done #1- Eye Doctor

So, inspired by my last post, I decided that some of my entries will focus on the new things that I do. I wish my first entry was a little more exciting like "I went sky diving" or "I just got back from Spain" but my first visit to the eye doctor will have to do. I have been having these really bad headaches for the past couple of weeks and I know that I don't see the best from far away, so I decided to have my first trip to the eye doctor. Keely works at an eye doctor so I went there and it ended up being quite an experience. First of all, it was very hard for me to allow my little sister to run tests on me. I could not stop laughing. I don't know if it was because I was nervous or because the carreer aspirations of the lady putting drops in my eyes was once "My little Pony." After laughing through all of the preliminay tests and getting her in a little bit of trouble (I don't think the doctor really cared but we were being pretty loud) the doctor took a look (my eyesight is not bad enough for glasses yet). Then I sat in the lobby waiting for my eyes to dialate so he could take a deeper look, and this jerk from England or Austalia, or Ireland, or one of those countries with an accent, was getting an attitude because he had a soccer game to get to and he was going to be late. I was feeling friendly so I told him that I used to play and coach soccer but with the mention of AYSO he went off. "AYSO has bloody ruined American soccer. Everyone plays is bulls***" and so on. He was so rude. He then complained so much that the doctor saw him eventhough I was first. So while he was in the office my sister, her colleagues and I made fun of him. When all was said and done I left with eyedrops and a side ache from laughing so much. It was a good first trip.

Chain (don't usualy do these things)

Someone sent this to me and I thought that it was kind of fun. I have done the things in red. There is a lot I need to do!

1. Started your own blog 2. Slept under the stars 3. Played in a band (drums at a german restaraunt) 4. Visited Hawaii 5. Watched a meteor shower 6. Given more than you can afford to charity 7. Been to Disneyland 8. Climbed a mountain 9. Held a praying mantis 10. Sang a solo (in my car and kareoke) 11. Bungee jumped (the kind of fake one at Magic Mountian12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 15. Adopted a child 16. Had food poisoning 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. 18. Grown your own vegetables (wait lemons are a fruit) 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train 21. Had a pillow fight 22. Hitch hiked 23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 24. Built a snow fort 25. Held a lamb 26. Gone skinny dipping 27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 29. Seen a total eclipse 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run . 32. Been on a cruise 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 35. Seen an Amish community 36. Taught yourself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David 41. Sung karaoke (love it) 42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt 43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 44. Visited Africa 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 46. Been transported in an ambulance 47. Had your portrait painted 48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person (amazing) 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud 54. Gone to a drive-in theater 55. Been in a movie or on a TV show 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business 58. Taken a martial arts class 59. Visited Russia 60. Served at a soupkitchen 61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies 62. Gone whale watching 63. Got flowers for no reason (I love my husband) 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 65. Gone sky diving 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 67. Bounced a check 68. Flown in a helicopter 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial 71. Eaten Caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square 74. Toured the Everglades 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 77. Broken a bone 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 80. Published a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car 83. Walked in Jerusalem 84. Had your picture in the newspaper 85. Read the entire Bible 86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 88. Had chickenpox 89. Saved someone’s life (maybe) 90. Sat on a jury 91. Met someone famous 92. Joined a book club (lets go joanna) 93. Lost a loved one 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a law suit 98. Owned a cell phone 99. Been stung by a bee 100. been married :)

Yes Man

Last night Chris and I went to a Birthday party, and at first I really didn't want to go. The first reason was that I wasn't going to know anyone there except the host. Usually I am very social and can talk to others even if I do not know them, but the thought of doing that last night was not exciting for me. My second reason was that I have become a lazy, slipper wearing, don't-want-to-put-on-any-make-up homebody. A night on the couch with my husband and the puppies is wonderful. Lastly, I didn't want to go because I felt guilty. It has only been a week since my miscarriage, and I guess I feel like I shouldn't have any fun. I am, of course still very sad, and while I know I need to do things, move on, and have fun, the idea of going to a party and drinking felt selfish and sad. Anyway, the point of the story is that I went, and I had SO much fun, and it was exactly what I needed. Even though I was pouting and giving Chris the silent treatment because he was dragging me out the door, his dragging me was exactly what needed to happen. If he hadn't, I would not have had the great night, where I met wonderful new people and even, unexpectedly, ran into old friends I had not seen in years.
I recently saw the new Jim Carey movie Yes Man, and it has inspired me. I am a NO Man. I say no all of the time to opportunities and invitations, and I was ready to do it again last night. I need to start saying yes more, so I am going to conduct Jim Carey's movie experiment. I am saying yes. While I know it is not smart to just say yes to everything, as the movie so comically points out, I need to be more open so I do not miss out on fun things like last night. I am saying yes, so if you need any favors, ask now :)

Reasons you know it is time to go to the gym

Chris and I are back to the gym. We realized that it was time to get back into shape and on monday Chris went and signed us up. On Wednesday Chris was reminded that we made the right decision. Our great friends invited us over for dinner and they have a 5 and 3 year-old. As we stood around talking, the five year-old ran by chris, hit him in the stomach and called him panza and basically told Chris he needed to lose the gut. So funny! You should have seen Chris' face. I love that kids always tell the truth :)

Not Fun

Ten days into the new year I found myself in the hospital again. I had my second miscarriage Saturday night and I am really confused about how to deal with it this time. I thought that it would be better, as if the loss of a life that you were so prepared to love could get easier in any way, but it is not. I feel like after the first time I was still full of so much hope, however much I tried to down play it. "It won't happen again." "Everything happens for a reason." "It just wasn't the right timing." "It will happen for us next time."
This time those thoughts are not really going through my head. I feel empty and numb. I feel angry (something I don't want to feel), and jealous, and so overwhelmingly sad that those hopeful thoughts and reassurances have not been able to make their way into my brain, and there doesn't seem to be anything to make it better. I have been flooded with supportive phone calls and visits and flowers, all wonderful things that I appreciate more then everyone can know. But, what do you tell someone at a time like this? How do you make them feel better? I have never been really good at that sort of thing. It is hard to find the words, and to presume that you know what someone is feeling even if you have been through the same thing. I search for the right thing to say in those situations, but I am not sure that there is a right thing. I think that what I have figured out is that the words themselves will never make someone feel better, but the action of making the phone call to check in or sending the quick note or stopping by, lets the person know that you are thinking of them, that you love them, and that if you could make the pain go away you would.That love and support has helped me, and sometimes no words at all do the most. I got home from the hospital at 3 a.m. sunday and when I awoke I had a wonderful husband and a loving sister just ready to sit with me, do nothing else but sit, watch a little t.v., eat, and look at some magazines.And as I sat there all day long, the sadness began to lift, I started to talk, and then laugh, and it was just comforting to know that they would have sat there as long as I needed them to.

2008- What a year!

2008 was a year full of highs and lows. I have had some of the most amazing and most tragic events of my life happen all in one year, and it makes me anxious and hopeful for 2009. Lets break it down to Love, Travel, Health, and Home.

Love- Oct. 2008 marked our second wedding anniversary. Married life is amazing and I continue to feel so lucky that I have Chris. This new years marked nine years for our relationship and it is such a special feeling to have someone in your life that has seen you through everything. My sister's were 13 and 15 when we got together! He has seen them grow and we have grown together. For our anniversary he took me to Paradise cove for a beautiful sunset and dinner. I also added a couple of new loves to my life this year: charlie and dodger. They are my babies. i spoil them rotten and love them to death.

Travel- 2008 was not the biggest travel year for me because of the health and home category, which I will discuss. Nevertheless, I was still able to travel to a few new places. Chris and I started the year with a trip to Vancouver. I loved it there! The city, snow, and wonderful outdoor adventures were amazing. We walked across Capilano suspension bridge, went to the mountains to play in snow, and took a seaplane ride to Victoria for the day.The Next rip was a girls trip with my mom and sister. We spent a few nights in Seattle, and I loved it. Like Vancouver, I had never been to Seattle. We ate, walked, shopped, went to the space needle... (about every touristy thing you could think of). And before we left, my mom and whit got some ink. After that Chris and I spent a few weekends traveling around California. San Diego for a week, Orange County of Jessica's wedding, San Jose for Will's wedding, Santa Cruz, and Catalina.

Health- This was a category I never really dealt with before, but this year it consumed me. We started the year with Keely in the hospital. She spent a week in the hospital with kidney failure due to pneumonia. She thought it was the flu and it obviously wasn't. That was crazy! Then my grandpa spent 11 days in a coma. All of this was just in February! He did recover but has been back to the hospital 3 times since. Then I had to have surgery in August. I spent the entire summer blissfully pregnant (one of the highs), but at 10 weeks found out that I miscarried. August 18th I had to have the first surgery I have ever gone through. It was, without a doubt, the most horrible, depressing, and lonely experience I have ever gone through.

Home- Lets end on a high note. Amongst the fun, travel, and hospital visits Chris and I spent most of 2008 looking to buy our first home. In September we got the keys, and for the past three months we have put a lot of time into making it our home. It has been a stressful but amazing experience. It is a place that I feel safe and happy. It is a place where I have already hosted Thanksgiving, a housewarming party, and a New Year's party. Filling the house with friends and family has been such a highlight for me, and it is one of the experiences that has truly made it a home. We spent the last day of 2008 in our home with friends and family, eating drinking, singing, laughing, and looking forward to the things that await us in 2009!