Tomorrow is my birthday and I have a lot of conflicting feelings about it. I will be 27, and that is not a problem for me. I am kind of glad to leave 26 behind. I mean, it was a good year. I celebrated my second year of marriage, bought a house (huge), and got two puppies. My 26th year was a year of growing up. I learned all things house hunting and mortgages and interest rates and financing options, and I am very proud that at this stage in my life I have what I do. I don't want to leave behind the feeling of spending the first night in our own home, or the memory of painting my first wall. These were all good things. I also became pregnant at this age, which was a wonderful feeling. An exciting time, when I thought that things could not get better.
At the same time I want to leave the age behind. This year encompassed a lot of firsts I want to forget. My first and second miscarriage, my first emergency room visit, first huge loss. It is a time that I have gained a lot from, but I really want to leave it behind. 27 feels like a brand new start, a clean slate.
Tomorrow is by birthday, and I want the day to pass quickly. Not just because I am excited to leave my 26th year behind, but because tomorrow was my original due date. Tomorrow I would be having a baby, but I am not. It is something I have been dealing with all month and it has been hard. I think about how different things would be right now. I think about if I would have had a boy or a girl, and I envision a much different celebration than the one I will have tomorrow. I am optimistic about the future, but I just want this month to be over.
2 comments:
I'm so proud of you for hanging in there and remaining strong and optimistic. Here's to making the most of 27. Happy Birthday! Love you!
Happy birthday, little sister. I hope that 27 brings good things for you because you deserve them.
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