Life and death

For that past couple of weeks I have been thinking a lot about life and death. While this wonderful life is being created in my belly, I have been surrounded by so much death at the same time. First my grandfather, and then days later a student at our school. This student was a freshmen, so loved, a character, a football player, a friend, a son, a brother. So many people on campus loved him and knew his big personality, and at the age of 14 his life ended. I can;t really make sense of the tragedy so I will stick to the facts:

• He went to sleep and did not wake up the next morning
• we found out during 2nd period
• the school shut down, emotionally
• I had never heard a high school so quiet at lunch
• there was a lot of crying
• I did not have him in my class
• My friends did and the empty desk breaks their heart
  
• I became a counselor and mourner all at the same time
• the kids were scared
• we all came together
• We talked about John
• we still can't believe what has happened
• 
  

It just does not make sense to me. We have now found out that he had an enlarged heart and it just stopped. At 14 years of age he went to bed and never woke up to go to school the next morning. It is so hard for many of us to believe and I feel for his family that lost a son too soon.

Goodbye

Today is going to suck. I don't know how to put it any other way. My grandpa Bill passed away on Monday and today is his funeral. It might sound weird but I am 28 years old and I have never been to a real funeral for one of my family members. I just don't know what to expect, and I know that seeing my dad upset is going to be brutal. The truth is, Guevara men are pretty special guys. I have a really close relationship with my dad, as he did with his, and today is going to be such a sad day for everyone.

I do feel lucky though that I was able to know my grandpa for so many years. I am sure that anyone that even only met him once remembered the experience. He was a witty, funny, playful man that knew how to make everyone feel special. He affectionately nicknamed me "The kid." We teased each other about sports (he is a USC fan and I went to UCLA), played cribbage (a card game that the Guevara's are obsessed with) every time we got together, and ever since I was little and made a comment about the stubble on his face when I kissed him, he would make sure his face was freshly shaven for me. As soon as I walked in the house he would give me a hug, and rub his cheek on my face to show that he shaved just for me. But that is what he did. He had little nicknames for everyone, and shared special stories and bonds with everyone he knew.

The last time we were together and he was feeling well Chris, Dad, Grandpa, and I were sitting around playing cribbage; me with all my guys. It was getting late but once you got him started he would play forever. Once the last game was over and it was time to leave I gave him a hug and he told me how excited he was for his great grandson to arrive. Just thinking about that moment breaks my heart because he will now never get to meet him. But, I am comforted by the fact that my son will have a great relationship with his grandpa, just like I did.

Thers's a rumbly in my tumbly

The past couple of weeks have been filled with so much movement in my tummy and I love it. I know what you are thinking: "Soon the kicks will become so violent that I won't be smiling anymore," As I have heard from experienced moms. But for now, I love it!

It is days like today...

...that make me think that my maternity leave can not get here soon enough. Can I just leave now please. I had a wonderful long weekend filled with yummy food, walks on the beach, sister's birthday and a lot of snuggled up in bed time. It could not have been better. And then today roles around. Teenagers are so egocentric! They can not believe that for one minute my priority might not be them. "What do you mean you have to use the restroom and eat on your lunch break Mrs. Pompey? But I need your help right now! Not in 15 minutes." Part of this is my fault. Earlier in my preganancy and in years past, I definitly did put off my needs to help students right when they needed it, but those days are over. I could not believe it today when I told a kid to come to my room 15 minutes into lunch because he needed some help. Well of course he did not listen and showed up right away, and then he was appauled when I told him to come back "I have other things to do Mrs. Pompey," he stated with an attitude. Oh I'm sorry that my peeing schedule interferes with your plans but sorry! I ran out of my rrom to do what I needed, came back 10 minutes later and there were 20 kids outside of my room. No lie...20!!!!!! And they all needed something. Is it too much to ask to have 30 minutes in the middle of the day to sit and eat. I don;t know how much longer I can last. :)

On a brighter note...the nursery is coming along (thanks to my wonderful friend Kate). I will post some pictures soon :)

I believ it was Einstein...

...who stated that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and ove again and expecting different results. As I enter my 25th week of pregnancy I feel more insane than ever. This is my third pregnancy and with the first two, a pattern had been established. Get pregnent, hold me breath for twelve weeks, go in for my first ultrasound, and see a little baby with no heartbeat. The fact that that did not happen this time is obviuolsy a relief, but at the same time a little unsettling. I am embarking into uncharted territory, and since the previous pattern was set, every morning that I wake up and see my belly getting bigger I feel a little insane. I feel like Drew Barrymore from 50 first dates. I wake up discovering where I am at in my life everyday. I mean, I go to bed knowing I'm pregnant, but wake up amazed that life is as usual and everything is fine. When it goes wrong and then wrong, and then all of the sudden right, it feels like it is a dream that will end soon. I feel like at any moment the bottom could drop out and we could end up with the same result. I know that is terribly depressing, but I can not help it. I actually started writing this post 10 weeks ago, but somehow felt superstitious about the whole thing. Like if I admitted that I was waiting for something bad to happen, something bad actually would. I have to admit that that feeling has not gone away, but I have to stop aknowledging the insane part of my brain and just enjoy reality. Reality is that I have a husband that talks to my belly everyday, I feel little flutters all day, reminding me baby is alive and well, I have family and friends that are celebrating with me and offering support when I need it. THe reality is that this is a happy time and I am not insane :) Well, maybe a little.

I am thankful for...

...my husband
five days off :)
Cool Ranch Doritos
Apples
French fries
Food in general :)
A beautiful home
sweet puppies that run to me when I get home
a job that pays me (and that I kinda like:)
kisses
hugs
and a wonderful and healthy family and beautiful friends.

Have a Great Thanksgiving and eat a lot!!!!!!!

mmmmmmmmm!

A good day...but

Today was a good day. My students were attentative and some even made me laugh. The day was productive and I didn't even have to yell. It was much better than some other days I have had latley. My sixth period can be pretty challenging and a day after school last week I just broke down. I am so emotional and I really care about what I do, but I sometimes wonder why I am doing it when I can be abused by students. I know some of them have problems and don't know how to deal with me. Everyone is entitled to a bad day. But I have a couple of students that are just outright rude. I don't deserve to work a million hours a week, try so hard, and then half to deal with rude jerks.

My AVID class has been talking about their lifes path latley. Where we are headed, and if there is a path that we have to follow. We have been watching video interviews from people that have taken these amazing paths is life. They had no fear and did what made them happy. So far, I have done that, but what will I do when this path does not make me happy anymore. Truthfully, I am not sure that I would do anything. Changing a carreer seems like such a scary thing. I mean we have a mortgage, we need steady income, what else would I do. I am not saying that teaching doesn't make me happy anymore, but on those really demanding days I feel like at some point it won't be what I want to do anymore. What then? I mean, ideally, my next job would be Mom but I can't wait forever for that to happen. What then?

We talked about having a life plan, and I think that it is a good idea, but does having that plan keep you from veering off course when you should. Now I am just rambling. The point is, I guess, that when it is time for me to do something else, I hope I have the courage to do it.

Dear Blog...

...I am still alive...barely. I am not sure if anyone really even reads this, but if you do, I am alive. I have been so busy lately with work and school and life that I pretty much do nothing else. Latley I got a little break to celebrate three years of Wedded bliss with my hubby. We went to Monterey for the weekend, ate, saw sea lions and jellies, and went sailing. It was a great time, but now back to reality. I would like to chat longer but back to grading.

Linds

Home Sweet Home

Almost exactly a year ago we were moving what little we had into our very first home. I remember when we got the keys and our family and friends met us here. We sat on the floor, because not a piece of furniture existed yet and toasted with champagne! I love our home and in just a year we have already had so much happen to us here. Birthday parties, dinners, happy times and sad, it is warm and loving and I am so glad we are where we are. If I wasn't going crazy from all of my school work I would put up some pretty before and after pictures but alas, I have some free moments so I need to hit the books.

MY SISTER'S GETTING MARRIED!!!!! (The other one)

I have two beautiful sister's and my youngest sister has been engaged for almost a year. We had a wonderful day this past Saturday shopping for her wedding dress. It was so much fun, and pretty painless. Everything looked good on her and she found the most beautiful dress, and she got it at the same place I bought mine. While we shopped and went to lunch and oooed and ahhhed over the pretty dresses my other sister fantasized about the day she would shop for her dress. Well she won't have to wait very long!!!!! Her wonderful boyfriend proposed on Monday!!! The ring is gorgeous, they are gorgeous, and I could not be more excited for them! I guess I get to help plan two weddings :)
Whit, me, and Keely